Alex & Mike
Dear Birth Mom,
Putting into words how thankful we are that you have taken the time to want to get to know us through these pages seems impossible. We will give it our best shot, and we hope you can understand and feel exactly what our hearts are trying to reach out and say to yours.
The choice you are making is not an easy one, and we want you to know how much we honor your decision. We won’t pretend and say we understand that we know how you feel, because the truth is, we don’t. But what we do know is how much we respect you. We want to give you as much comfort as possible in knowing that we are here to support you in this journey. We pray you find peace in knowing it was the best choice, not just for your beautiful baby, but for you and your life as well.
We truly are an open book and hope you will let us know if you have any questions that have not been answered here, or if you would like to talk with us about your hopes for an adoption plan.
We are keeping you in our thoughts and hope we can be on this journey together.
With much love and gratitude,
Alex & Mike
Our Adoption Story
Our road to adoption was not a smooth one. Wanting a child in our lives was never a question. There has been a missing piece in our hearts and our home for quite some time. How we got here, though, was rough. Many years ago, we decided as a couple to wait until we were comfortable and stable before bringing a baby into our lives. We had actually waited 10 years to even get engaged! Mike respected my wishes, that being a child of a single mom myself, I needed to know we were on our own career paths and could independently handle our own lives and finances before mixing them all together. I saw the fights and struggles my parents went through, with money and work being the root of it, and I am so grateful that Mike respected me through every twist and turn.
When we were both finally ready to start a family, I was told I would not be able to carry a baby. We were heartbroken. As a woman, I felt like my body failed me. As a wife, I felt I failed my husband. As a husband, Mike felt there was nothing he could do or say to make the pain go away. It felt like we were grieving an unexplainable loss. Breaking this news to our parents felt like a twist deeper into our hearts. We know how badly they want to not just be grandparents to our children, but to see us finally start our family after waiting to be engaged and then waiting to actually have the wedding (thanks, COVID). They saw how hard we worked to get to this point. It felt like we were disappointing them, and there is no other way to say it – it sucked. Of course, they weren’t disappointed in us, and we are so lucky that they have been supportive of us through it all.
Now, finally, to what made us turn the corner from feeling sorry for ourselves to moving into how we can still make our dream a reality. Back in our dating days, we had talked about wanting to adopt a child while also having biological children. We agreed it would be an amazing way to have a family. We always felt it was something we would want to do if we were able to. Looking back, it feels like this is what was meant to be all along. It turns out that we have been dreaming about becoming parents through adoption from the very beginning, and this was our chance to make that happen.
We know our story may feel a bit long, but we want to share as much as we can with you…
Our Promise to You
We know it is not all sunshine and rainbows, and as much as we prepare, there will be a learning curve. Especially with adopting a child, there is a lot to learn and understand throughout their life with us. We are open to working with other adoptive parents and will make sure that your child grows up in a community where they feel a strong identity. It’s important to us that your child knows where they come from and how we were chosen to be a family. We have begun taking videos of our journey in the adoption process in hopes of one day showing it to them when they are ready and want to learn more about their story.
Thankfully, we have a village of supporters to offer guidance, because it’s true that it really does take a village to raise a child. We know we won’t be perfect, but we will do all we can to raise a respectful and loving child who wants to contribute to making the world around them better. Whatever they want to achieve and become in their lives, we are there for the ride every step of the way.
Our parents were not helicopter parents and allowed us to make the mistakes we needed to make to learn some of life’s hard lessons. As long as we did not do anything to hurt ourselves or the people around us, they guided us to the best of their abilities and let us experience all life had to offer. We plan to do the same for your baby and can’t wait to see what their future holds. We promise to raise your baby with respect and unconditional love, every day for the rest of our lives.
About Us
Our story all started with just a friendship during our college years. Mike was a TV/film kid with a backwards hat and a Razor scooter. Alex was a fine arts chick, always dancing and singing in her dorm room with her friends. We both joined the founding classes of the first sorority (Alpha Sigma Tau) and fraternity (Tau Kappa Epsilon) at New York Institute of Technology, and from there, our paths began to cross, and we ended up hanging out a lot more.
Every year, our school held a Valentine’s Day Masquerade Ball, and Mike asked me to be his date. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really feeling it. I wasn’t sure what to make of Mike always scooting around the hallway at our dorms, but I said yes because he was a nice guy. I somehow knew from the start that Mike’s quirkiness could match my own quirkiness! By the way, when it came time for our date, I eventually learned that Mike bought his own ticket to the dance and never bought one for me (even though he asked me to the dance!). Luckily, it all worked out, and Long Island Skater Boy (as I called him) and Staten Island Princess (his nickname for me) danced the night away and soon fell in love. This is how our story began 16 years ago!
We had promised each other from the very beginning that we would not take the next step in our relationship until we were both established in our careers and felt stable enough to support the other. We wanted to be as ready as possible for what lay ahead in our future as a couple, and for us, this meant being on the same page about our priorities. And as life usually goes, you hit the speed bumps and obstacles that make these goals hard to reach, but all the more joyous once accomplished. When the time was right, Mike pulled off the most perfect proposal (with a lot of help and coordination from our loved ones, including my mom!) and we got engaged in the parking lot of the Bridgeport Ferry Terminal. I know it may not sound fancy, but it really was perfect for us in every way.
We are both foodies and love to cook. During the week, we usually prepare our dinners at home. Our go to meals these days are lots of pasta, dishes, and grilling chicken or burgers on the barbecue. After a long day, we hit our big comfy couch to binge watch a Netflix series (our latest binge was you, but we generally like any action or drama show). On the weekends, we usually plan things with our families. If we stay in the area, we will look to see if there are any fairs or markets around. We have gone to some pretty random local events like a pickle festival, which was pretty delicious. We have a local minor league baseball team we go to see all the time, which is always a fun night out. When we hang out at home, we have a big backyard where we like to relax, but you will probably find Mike working in the garden. Speaking of our garden, Alex just recently started pickling the peppers we’ve been growing! We also recently started repainting some of our garden statues – who knew that could be so relaxing?!
Sometimes we like to take a break from cooking and go out to eat. We are both food lovers, and there are a TON of different places to pick from within a short distance from us. Thanks to social media, we’ve been able to find some fantastic places around Long Island, and we love trying out new places. One post in the group led us to one of our favorite Italian places that makes pasta dishes in a bowl with a giant fried chicken cutlet and their own fresh mozzarella right at your table! There is a mix of different cultures and ethnicities in our area, so we don’t have to travel far to try different kinds of foods. Sometimes we meet up with friends at a local tavern that hosts 50-cent wing night and trivia night, which is a lot of fun!
About Alex
Through Mike’s Eyes
Alex is one of the most selfless people I know. She puts everyone’s needs before her own, and sometimes I have to remind her to make time for herself. For her, family is everything (including friends who become family). There is nothing in this world she wouldn’t do for those she loves. She will drive to the ends of the earth to be at one of our nieces’ or nephews’ dance recitals, school plays, or to spend time with them. Just showing up and being involved has always been important to Alex. Her closest friend from childhood is about a three hour drive away and has four boys (one who is Alex’s Godson). They all love their Aunt Alex and get so excited when they know they are going to see her.
I watched her stop her entire life to be at the bedside of her grandfather (Poppy) for two weeks before he passed. She looked to him as a father figure in her life and told me she owed so much to him. I saw how she coordinated all of his care and held her family together the best she could. It rocked her so hard to watch him go through it, but she was there every step of the way. I saw how strong she could be when she said she felt like she was falling apart. She has dealt with a lot of loss in her life, but I felt losing Poppy pushed her to see how much she could really handle.
Cooking and baking are Alex’s love language. I think being Italian, it’s just how she grew up. She is also very creative with all types of art. She paints and has tried cross-stitch a few times until the tiny holes annoy her, and she gives it up for a year or two and then goes back to it, lol. She and her family are competitive gamers, in the most loving and funny way – from video games to Monopoly, they can get pretty intense in a fun-spirited way.
Alex is my complete opposite when it comes to planning and worrying about things, but we balance each other out in so many ways. She keeps me on track and organized, which I will admit I need sometimes. We remind each other when to slow down or when it’s time to jump into action on something. In a way, it makes us a pretty kickass team.
I know my wife is meant to be a mother. I see her with our nieces and nephews, neck deep in dolls or dinosaurs, and I know that is when her heart is most full. I know how ready she is for this next part of our journey, and your child will be so loved with Alex as a mom.
About Mike
Through Alex’s Eyes
Mike is truly a big kid at heart, and one of the many reasons I fell in love with him all those years ago. He is a man who takes adulting very seriously, but also reminds me that it’s okay to just be my goofy self sometimes, too! He is unapologetically himself and has taught me over the years how to care less about what other people think. I can be a really loud goofball sometimes, and I feel my truest self when I’m with him. He is also incredibly non-judgmental, and I can count on him to be honest. He always tells me how it is, whether I like it or not.
When Mike is home, he is looking for a movie or series to watch. He pretty much speaks in movie quotes. He has a wild imagination and can make a storyline in his head out of nowhere. It has made me truly understand his love for TV and film and why he had picked that as his major back in college. He is always ready to pick up a video game console, just say the word, and he is ready to play!
During the warmer months, you will definitely find Mike in our garden. He loves the process of picking out his plants, tending to them, and watching the results. He will spend hours on YouTube watching people give tips and tricks about their gardens. We end up with more veggies than I know what to do with, but he is so happy when he comes in the house with his big bowl of peppers! Thanks to his gardening, I have learned how to make pickled peppers, salsa, and a bunch of other recipes involving tomatoes and peppers!
As spontaneous and carefree as he can be, he is very careful and vigilant when it comes to managing our finances. I tend to go a bit overboard when buying anything for family, especially the kids, and he pulls me back in. He budgets and calculates what we need to save when making any major financial decisions. He is always researching and reading up on anything going on in the financial world to make sure he has all the information he can to make the best choices for us. I am so grateful for this and know that he will take care of our family so that we can provide for your little one without worry.
One of the best things about being together for so many years is that I have gotten to see how much Mike has grown as a person. From that skateboarding, backwards hat wearing, pop-tart loving guy, he has turned into a man who just wants to be a father (and who still eats pop-tarts). As much as he has changed, he is still in some ways the same. He will always make time to play with our nieces and nephews (no matter how goofy the activity is!), and I know he will be the best father.
Our Loved Ones
We both come from big families where there is always a birthday, wedding, or graduation to celebrate. We are very close with our parents and siblings, and never miss a chance to spend time together. We pretty much alternate Sundays between going out to Staten Island to see Alex’s family or driving out a little further into Long Island to see Mike’s. We also go up to see family in Connecticut about every other month. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that when we get together, food is usually at the center of it. During the winter or fall, our family is cooking up all the sauces with enough meatballs and sausage to feed an army, and sending us home with more leftovers than we know what to do with.
During the spring and summer, both of our families are in the backyard BBQing and hanging out in the pool. Lucky for us, both parents’ houses have pools, and you can catch us in there playing mermaids or volleyball with the kids. It’s also not unusual to break out a deck of cards or a board game after a meal, where we get to showcase our competitive but friendly natures!
Telling our families about our plan to have a family through adoption was so special. Everyone was absolutely thrilled to hear our news. We had no doubt they would be supportive, but to see how embracing they have been has made us so grateful to have them around us. They have all asked how they can help and what they can do to support us and you in this journey. We have clothes and toys ready to be handed down at any given moment, and it warms our hearts to see them all so excited for us.
Our Life at Home
We chose to live in our neighborhood because we knew this was where we wanted to raise a child. The schools are great, and there are so many different sports and activities for kids and families nearby. We have two parks within walking distance and a beautiful community pool and mini waterpark area that we love taking our nieces and nephews to. We also love how diverse it is.
We live just a few minutes from the beach. Because we were both raised nearby, I think being close to the water is just a part of who we are. We always said that if we moved away from the ocean, it would feel almost claustrophobic. Our home is warm and welcoming, where we enjoy hosting our family and friends. We have plenty of space and a big backyard where everyone can feel right at home.
We love it here and are excited to experience more of the area with a kiddo one day soon!
Holidays & Traditions
Since we are so close with both sides, we try to divide our time between our two families the best we can. We are grateful that we always have somewhere to go or someone to celebrate with. One of the biggest traditions we have starts about two weeks before Christmas, when we get together with Alex’s family. We bake about 12-15 types of cookies for family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and beyond. As usual, it’s another thing we have where food is the center of attention, lol. It’s all hands-on deck for two straight days in my mother’s kitchen, which is filled with lots of laughs and my mother yelling at us not to mess up her cookies because people look forward to them, haha. My mom or stepsister usually gets us matching PJs or t-shirts to wear for the occasion. My stepdad insists on getting the most obnoxious hats he can find, which gives us all a good laugh. It is a special tradition for us!
Fourth of July is usually spent with Mike’s family, and we watch the fireworks go off all around because the neighborhood always has someone setting them off. Mike’s dad always has a fire going at the end of the night, and we have supplies to make s’mores with the kids.
Both of our families always make it a point to celebrate accomplishments. Whether it’s one of our parents who recently retired or someone’s birthday, we make the time to meet up together, and as you may have guessed… EAT!
Our Journey Back to Our Faith
Mike and I both grew up going to church. I know we’re not alone in this, but as we became adults and had our own priorities and schedules, we put our faith on the back burner. We never stopped believing, but we weren’t as active in our faith. Now that we have had time to settle into our lives and really reflect, there is something different (and very special) about finding our own way back to our faith, on our own terms.
At the start of our plans to begin our family, we were left with a lot of unanswered questions as we struggled with infertility. We both looked at each other and said, I think it’s time we realize this has always been in God’s hands. We are by no means perfect – sure, we miss a Sunday church service here and there but putting our hearts back into our faith has been comforting. At the end of the day, we have done all we can to become parents, and right now, being on the adoption journey feels absolutely right for us. And we feel comfortable trusting that one day it will happen in God’s time. We continuously pray that He covers you and your baby with protection and guidance. Doing this has really made us feel we are truly putting our all into becoming the best parents we can be before we are blessed with a baby in our home.
In times where our faith is tested and we may be hit with doubt that He will answer our prayers or has forgotten about us, we do something more physically involved with things we can DO. We have connected with a women’s center to participate in service, which we are very grateful for. Though God teaches us to be humble, we wanted to share this with you because it connected so deeply with what we are going through.
Our faith has kept us grounded and given us strength, and we hope it provides the same for your child. Of course, as they grow up, they too will have the freedom to believe in whatever brings them peace.
We hope that sharing our story through these pages has helped you learn a little about us and our life together. We believe it is really important for you to know and be comfortable, not just with us, but with those who surround us with love every day.
Expressing what is in our hearts and how much love we have to give feels impossible to do on paper. We pray you feel in your heart what we have tried to share through this book. We are so grateful for the time you have taken to get to know us. We are open to answering any questions you may have and promise to respect your wishes (and your boundaries) every step of the way.
With love and gratitude,
Alex & Mike
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