James & Keith
Hi!
We are James and Keith, and we are so grateful that you have taken the time to learn more about us. We are a loving couple who have been together for 14 years, and we hope that these pages will help you get a clear sense of who we are, and the type of parents that we want to be.
While we may never know what it’s like to be in your shoes, we know considering adoption is a hard decision, one that takes next-level maternal instincts and courage. We have always dreamed of being parents and even though that path to parenthood seemed unsure at certain parts of our life, we want you to know how grateful we are that you are considering helping us to realize our dreams.
If you are open to it, we would love to get to know you too. But no pressure, we are here when you are ready and promise to respect your wishes every step of the way.
With love,
James & Keith
Our Adoption Story
We had been together for almost 10 years before we started really talking about having kids. For so long, having a family as two gay men seemed almost impossible, and at some point, we decided to make peace with the fact that we would never have a “traditional” life – getting married, having kids, all of that just didn’t seem like it would be part of our reality. But as time went on and laws were passed, alongside the love we discovered in each other and the life we built, we were lucky enough to find out that in fact, our dreams could come true.
We started to see our brothers and sisters having kids, and then our friends too. Now we have lots of kids in our lives, 15 nieces and nephews so far. And we do everything we can to be present and engaged uncles – we try to make it to every birthday party, every school play, every sports game we can. For a minute we wondered if that uncle-type relationship would be fulfilling enough, but each year that passed just made the desire to create our own family even stronger.
We kept telling ourselves and each other how we dreamed of putting into practice all the things our parents did for us, all the things we like about how our brothers and sisters parent their kids (and just as much how we would do things differently than them!).
We want to create a family because we believe in our ability to love and raise a child and give them a happy, healthy, fulfilling life – and to help them grow into their own people with their own passions in life. We feel so lucky to have built the life we have, and on top of that, we are healthy and surrounded by big, supportive families. We have been given so much in life and we want to share that with your child.
Our Promise to You
Our promise to you is this: we will do everything we can to be the best parents we can be. Parents who are present, parents who prioritize our family above everything else in life, parents who take both the good and the bad from our own experiences to shape the way we do it. We promise to support the growth of your child to be the best version of the person they truly are, to foster their own talents and interests, and to never force them to be something they aren’t based on any preconceived vision we may have (this is especially important for us given our experiences growing up gay). We promise to surround them with love, with family, with other kids, with lots of music, with Keith’s excellent cooking and James’s dancing.
The process so far has been tough. We have been on our adoption journey for quite some time and have not found the right match yet. Sometimes we have wondered what we are doing wrong, and honestly, we have felt really alone at times. But for the first time since we started this process, we feel hopeful because we started working with Hudson Hearts. For the first time, we feel taken care of, supported, and we especially feel good about the support they offer birth parents. We hope you have felt the same so far. We know the decision in front of you is not an easy one, but we are here to answer your questions and make a plan together.
About Us
We met in May of 2010 at a bar in NYC while we were each out with friends. We were both 23 years old, in our first year after college. James was already at the bar, and when Keith walked in, a mutual friend turned to James and said this guy Keith just walked in, I think you’d like him! Fast forward – we went on a few dates and started having feelings for each other pretty quickly, but one month after meeting, Keith went to Brazil for 6 months as part of his grad school program. We made no promises to each other, but we kept in touch. Based on the middle-of-the-night messages Keith sent telling James how much he missed him, it was pretty clear to us both that we would reconnect when Keith was back in the US.
After Keith got back, we continued where we left off. We started to build a solid life together and moved in with each other two years later. Five years later, in 2017, James proposed to Keith at our favorite beach town on Cape Cod. We got married in the same place a year later. It was a dream come true for us.
When we aren’t working, we spend our days with everyone in our lives. We love to go out dancing or take workout classes with our friends, we sometimes do triathlons with one of James’s sisters who is really involved in that and play in a beach volleyball league during the summer. We enjoy being active, but there is also something really nice about just hanging out at home which can sometimes involve playing video games together or cooking up a delicious meal.
We both have great careers (James is xx and Keith works in xx) that we are very proud of. When we are lucky enough to become parents, we plan to stay home with your baby as long as possible by alternating our time off work. This will give us the chance to bond together as a family and really be there while your baby is growing up. While we enjoy our jobs, we actually look forward to having our own little family take priority over our careers – our goal is to minimize the time we spend at work and maximize life spent outside work, with family!
About James
Written with love by Keith
Where to start!? It’s easy to take someone for granted after being with them for so long, but I am still constantly amazed by James. He has a strong moral compass and then takes the steps to get where he wants to go. When there is something that needs to get done, he makes sure he gets to it right away.
This description might make James sound boring, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. He is always the life of any party. He is masterful at his job but sets strong boundaries so that he can find time for his hobbies – exercising, swimming, video games, reading, and watching trashy reality TV! He is the most magnetic person I know, and he has crazy stores of energy and love for our family and friends, and continues to welcome new friends into the mix.
I know your child will be front and center for James. He will do everything he can to make our home comfortable and safe. And I am sooooo glad he will be the one by my side for me to lean on along the way. He will teach your child how to swim, how to build, how to learn and grow, and most definitely, how to dream big. James will be the one to keep them on the right course but let them have their freedom.
I know James is going to be the most amazing Dad and I cannot wait to see him fall in love with your baby.
About Keith
Written with love by James
My favorite thing about Keith is his sense of humor. He always makes me laugh, even if we are in a not-so-funny situation! He has this ability to make life feel light, even when it’s heavy. He is more adventurous than I am, but somehow, he is also incredibly reliable and loyal. He takes such good care of me when I need some TLC or support.
One of my favorite things that we share together is our love for music – reggaeton and R&B being our favorites. Connecting over music is such a joy with him. Going to concerts together is one of our favorite things to do whenever we can, and these have been some of my most cherished times together.
I am always impressed by how smart he is, and how successful he is in his career. He seems to just handle everything with ease. In every job he’s ever had, his bosses and coworkers adored him. He handles stress better than I do. He is so calm and collected when I’m not.
Keith loves languages and is always trying to learn something new – he speaks fluent Portuguese and is also taking Spanish classes. I love that about him, and he is constantly inspiring me.
I dream of the day I get to watch him as a dad because I know he is going to be a great one. He will be a dad who teaches your child all kinds of things like how to cook, how to throw and catch, and of course, how to speak Spanish and Portuguese! He will make your child feel safe and protected, loved and supported in all that they do.
Our Home
We live in Brooklyn, NY in an apartment building that has been split up into 30 units across 6 floors. We love the neighborhood and there is no place we would rather raise our family. Everywhere you look families are enjoying the parks, picnicking, playing sports, walking to and from school. There is a playground at the end of our block with a view of the river and skyline.
We live on the fourth floor, and the oak trees on the street reach our windows. The building has lots of kids and the previous owners of our apartment raised their kids here until they both left for college. We have a second bedroom that’s waiting to be filled, an eat-in kitchen where we cook and eat our meals, and a big stand-alone living room where we love to host our family and friends.
We also have a small beach house on Fire Island, and spend our summers living there, working from home. Fire Island is about 2 hours outside of the city off of Long Island. We both have so many happy memories growing up around the beach and we dream about building that for your child too so that they can connect with the ocean and nature.
Our Loved Ones
WRITTEN BY JAMES:
I come from a blended family, sort of like a Brady Bunch. My mom had 3 kids (me, Alexis, and Doug) and got together with my stepdad who had 4 kids (Lara, Jen, Frankie, and Sharon), and we all moved into my stepdad’s house when we were young. It was chaotic and intense at first – everyone doubled up in bedrooms (and one of my sisters slept in the hallway!), but miraculously enough, we all became fast friends and I have such loving, cherished memories of growing up together in that house. Today we all are very heartfelt about being brothers and sisters to each other. We don’t differentiate between blood or marriage, and we never say to anyone this is my stepbrother or stepsister – we just say brother/sister.
We are all deeply ingrained in each other’s lives, and even with each of our extended families now that we are all married. And with all the kids, you can imagine how loud our family gatherings are – but it’s what makes it so special (and a lot of fun!).
WRITTEN BY KEITH:
I am the youngest of three and grew up in a quiet town in New Jersey where dinner was always at 6 pm. My sister Rebecca is a Spanish teacher, and she inspired my love of languages early on. She is about ten years older and used to practice her lessons on me. When she was out with friends, I’d jam out to her Shakira’s greatest hits CD and translate the lyrics. I also followed in my brother Sean’s footsteps, playing football through high school.
My dad worked at the post office, opening the office at 5 am every morning and he’d finish his shift by 1 pm. Alongside my mom, a piano teacher, they were my biggest fans in the bleachers.
Rebecca and Sean are both married with 2 kids each, ages 4, 9, 13, and 14, and both live in New Jersey not far from where we grew up. When we spend holidays together, it’s usually in NJ at Grandma and Grandpa’s house where I grew up.
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Holidays & Traditions
For us, the holidays are a time for us all to be together with our family and friends. Because we are such a large group, we usually go to NJ or Long Island to be with one of our families. We feel lucky that everyone is within a short driving distance which makes celebrating special moments together possible.
For Thanksgiving, each year we alternate between our two families but for Christmas, we always spend time with both. We celebrate Christmas Eve in NJ at Keith’s parents’ place and Christmas night on Long Island with James’s side. Fourth of July is spent on the beach on Fire Island usually, and James’s sister hosts an annual party with tons of food, bands playing, and it’s an absolute blast. It is one of our favorite new family traditions that started when she bought and moved into her house a few years ago.
We don’t see this changing much if we become parents – if anything, holidays will be another great opportunity for all of us to get together, and to have the cousins spend time with each other playing and having fun. Those are some of our favorite memories from growing up and something we want for your child too.
We can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read our story and get to know us. We really hope it gives you a sense of the people we are, the type of parents we will be, and of course, what kind of life your child would have with us.
What you are going through is something that we will never experience ourselves, but we can at least tell you how much we admire and respect you for doing what you feel is best for your child – like we said in the beginning of this book, we know it takes courage and the strongest of maternal instincts.
If there is anything else we can share with you to put you more at ease, please let us know.
With love and gratitude,
James & Keith
CONTACT US
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